Mount Pleasant Magazine Sept/Oct 2021

100 www.MountPl easantPodcas t . com | www. ReadMPM. com | www. I LoveMountPl easant . com I was first diagnosed with major depression at the age of 31. I was married, had two beautiful kids aged seven and three and owned a thriving business. Yet, despite having so much to live for, my mood plummeted into despair. I lost all motivation to do anything. The most simple everyday tasks suddenly required an extraordinary effort. At night, I’d lie awake ruminating over every minor thing I had ever said or done wrong – anything less than perfect. My life felt utterly worthless, despite all evidence to the contrary, and I became engulfed in sorrow and hopelessness. As days turned into weeks, I continued to spiral downward. I became increasingly focused on death. I wasn’t suicidal, per se – though thoughts of the least painful methods of ending my suffering swirled around my mind. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up again. Unable to endure the pain and emptiness any longer and terrified by my thoughts, I finally sought help. My doctor prescribed an antidepressant, and within a few weeks, the darkness lifted. I was once again my usual happy, energetic self. But this was only the beginning of a lifelong battle with depression. Over the past couple of decades, I’ve had far too many bouts of depression to even count. Some are mild and short-lived, having minimal impact on my functioning, despite the bleak and gloomy outlook that looms over me. Other episodes are major and impact all areas of my life. Recently, I experienced my first dysthymic episode – a depression that lasted two years, cycling between mild and severe. I had become resistant to my long- trusted friend, Wellbutrin, and none of the other medications I tried gave me any relief. Finally, I found a BY K IMBERLY BLAKER Depression Is More Sinister Than Sadness But withTreatment, There is Hope