Mount Pleasant Magazine Jan/Feb2016

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after a few years of dating, I was confident that both of us
were ready to take the next step in our relationship.
After we finished off Christmas dinner, I asked Jenna’s
father for her hand in marriage and told him my plans
for the proposal. The next morning, I asked Jenna if
she wanted to drive over to Clemson for breakfast. We
made the 15-minute trip, had a small meal, drove around
campus and then decided to walk through the South
Carolina Botanical Gardens.
Midway through the walk,
when we got to a really sunny spot
on the middle of a small bridge, I
got down on one knee, and asked
Jenna to marry me. After jumping
up and down and spinning
around, she grabbed the entire
ring box and shouted “Yes!”
That’s all I remember from this
past year, because the next nine
months were a whirlwind.
Within an hour of getting
engaged, excitement turns to
talk of when, where, guest
list, wedding party, dress style,
engagement parties, band or
DJ, honeymoon destination,
first dance song, suit or tuxedo,
bachelorette and bachelor parties,
wedding cake, flower girls, ring
bearers – scratch that: no flower
girls – florist, photographer,
videographer, first-dance lessons,
and on and on and on and on. …
After the celebratory selfies and facetimes with friends,
we spent a few weeks trying to find an open wedding
venue for the fall of 2015 that wouldn’t be too hot,
wouldn’t fall on the same day as a Clemson home football
game and wouldn’t leave us eating Ramen noodles for the
next five years. The Atlantic Coast Conference wouldn’t
give us inside information on the Clemson schedule, so
we took a gamble and booked an event hall in Greenville,
South Carolina, for Sept. 26. We finally had a date. Cross
one item off the infinite to-do list.
Once we started sharing the date with friends and
family, many folks asked incredulously, “Can y’all really
plan a wedding in nine months?” I couldn’t believe it! Nine
months seemed like an eternity. Heck, if expecting parents
can prepare themselves over nine months for a newborn,
surely we could piece together a successful wedding.
But these folks were on to something. They had been
through it. They knew.
To be fair, being engaged is an exciting time. From
engagement parties hosted by friends to wedding gifts and
congratulatory notes, it’s humbling. But make no mistake,
there’s a lot of work to be done.
In reflecting on the tumult of planning save-the-
dates, engagement photos, thank you cards, hotel blocks,
wedding websites and the multitude of other stuff Jenna
did that I never saw, I came to realize that much of that
stuff – which, don’t get me wrong,
is likely mandatory in this day
and age – becomes a blur in the
rearview mirror.
What mattered, or at least
what I distinctly remember, is the
time we carved out to focus on
why we wanted to spend the rest
of our lives together and what
that might look like in a practical
sense. For us, East Cooper Baptist
Church’s pre-marital classes gave
us a chance to think through some
of these tough questions, focus
collectively on what we wanted
from the marriage and agree on
what would be the foundation of
our marriage.
In the hubbub of planning,
we often become fixated on the
details: “No, the band cannot play
the Macarena!”; “Ham biscuits
over tomatoes and mozzarella
skewers”; “Yes, let’s announce the
wedding party”; “No, no need for a groom’s cake”; “Yes, of
course, to the multi-flavored wedding cake”; “Why not? to
ending the reception with hot Papa John’s pizza.”
These details are a manifestation of what weddings have
become in the 21st century. But, even though the details
may have changed over the years, the main idea remains
the same. In reality, we could have wiped out all of these
details and still rode away from the wedding reception
happy. We had each other, we had grounded our marriage
in our faith and we had our friends and family there
rooting us on.
Here’s some sage advice to those of you planning a
wedding: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take some time to
think about what will constitute a happy marriage. And,
finally, do like we did: If you’re going to have a wedding
in the fall, pick a bye weekend for Clemson football. Go
Tigers and happy wedding planning.
Joe and Jenna Semsar
met at a Clemson football
tailgate.